People come and go, it is part and parcel of life. Face it. I read through a few of my blog posts in the past and I came to a realisation: I have changed. I wish I am able to face life's obstacles with such optimism and positivity. But somehow, I have changed. Not for the worst, but to a more rational and mature individual. The zest for life is waning. What is happening? I think I just got thrusted into the world of adults. It is complicated and I do not wish to be there. But what other choices do I have?

The standard of living and fast paced environment here is seriously pushing me to the edge and I would very much like to look for an alternative and take root elsewhere. But sometimes, it takes more courage to stay than to leave. And I have decided, and am determined to stand firm in my decision. But why is there a small and frail voice which tells me otherwise?





Just thought I should probably blog for one last time before I go into hiding. I finally found employment after 3 hard months of searching and am grateful to the manager who is willing to give me an opportunity to start my first career with them. But I'm filled with apprehension! I really wonder if I'm able to meet their expectations and survive amongst the political pressure so often seen in workplaces. I crumbled like falling uno blocks the last time and I'm not really sure if I have changed four years later. Well, I was in certain circumstances that made me alter my perspectives on how 'perfect' the society really is but still.. I'm not sure if I am able to handle them. When that time comes, I can only hope and pray that I am able to do it.

There is this principle that always serves as a self-reminder to myself: that I should not carry any expectations from anyone since disappointment thrives with it. But it's funny how my expectations of others unknowingly sets in and I tend to be disappointed over something done which was not discussed or pre-planned (excluding surprises). I don't like this feeling. In fact, I hate it. I feel neglected and abandoned. I have no idea if I'm getting disappointed for all the right reasons. At times, I'm not even sure why am I disappointed for. And tada, I become a confused person and that is when this particular principle kicks my butt and scowls 'LEARN YOUR LESSON', of course metaphorically.

For now, I guess I'll just cancel out some of the activities I'm supposed to be doing, expect nothing, and immerse myself into a sea of words and my own figment of imagination.





The fact that I had so much difficulty getting into this page really shows how long I haven't updated, eh? These past 2 years spent in school wasn't as easy as I thought it would be as I was swamped with assignments and group projects. Sometimes, I really marvel at my concentration span as I could sit in front of the desk with my laptop religiously for 4 months, solely reading and researching for my assignments every single day. A daunting task for most I would say. Of course, there's bound to be a time when I start to suffer from mental breakdown and had my boyfriend picking up the pieces. Lucky me, he's always there for me.

Being a mini society, just like the mini circuit and simulated traffic conditions for driving, school has served its purpose by increasing awareness for the naive (people like me) as to how the society at large actually works, and not to forget, the ugliness of human nature. There were instances when some used networks gained in school as a means to commit fraudulent acts while others slyly gained the trust of unsuspecting females and found their way into their pants. Putting all that negativity aside, there are some really nice friends in school, well.. that is if you look hard enough or are simply lucky. I spent a year and a half hopping from one group to another due to different goals and a non-reciprocal relationship -- most of the time it was I-lose-you-win sort of thing but never a win-win outcome. Okay, in short I was taken advantage of since it wasn't a hidden fact that I have pretty high expectations for work. Just as well, it is better to do more than less since I had an easier time preparing for exams. Too bad for me, it was only towards the last few months of my studies when I found a group that responded to my 'reciprocity SOS'.

During that period of time, I had to also witness a really ugly internal fight which seemed to reiterate the turn of events in Hongkong dramas. Some say blood is thicker than water, but I beg to differ. Imagine knowing someone for 23 years thinking that she is a hospitable and kind person, but in a twist of events, turned her back on her brother who so badly needed help and support which eventually led to his death. There were also truckloads of evil deeds that she did in the past and of which my parents only revealed to us recently since we were quite young then. Those information made me feel really disgusted with her and family and what a pity (especially when some cousins were childhood playmates), I decided to sever all ties with them when they, in the absence of conscience pointed fingers at my family for the mysterious death. But what I ponder about is if they were really so bad, why did my parents continued on with this family relationship? Were my parents really that forgiving or was this all a pretense in the hope that bro and I get good childhood memories? Whatever the reason, any childhood memories with them are now rendered meaningless. As long as there is enough for subsistence living, the status, money and wealth that they possess don't mean anything to me.

Comparing myself to others, I'm quite fortunate to only experience the cruel reality of life at this age. At least I've had my fair share of 'the damsel in distress will always be saved by a handsome young prince and they will live happily ever after'. At least I've gone through a couple of years thinking that the world is perfect. But now that I'm entering a new phase of life, it's really high time to snap out of the fairytale world and embrace the negative and positive aspects to politics. These 2 years have somehow prepared me to a world of political infighting, and of course I've learnt that essentially, everyone is for him or herself. Maybe, just maybe, I should learn how to be a fishmonger and think for myself instead of others all the time. But if I don't succeed, there's always the excuse that well, it is in the blood =P





Interesting slogans! Try it out!


















Before you accuse someone of something, you will definitely get some sorta proof right? Right?? Something very ridiculous happened. This security guard although commendable for his efforts to curb smoking within the grounds, will definitely fail miserably if he were to conduct any forms of investigation. He, approached me and my 3 friends..
Guard: Why are you smoking?
Me: Huh?
Friend E: (abit stunned, still holding a digi cam in her hands) No, we are all non-smokers.
Guard: (not taking into account Friend E's words, thinking that he caught us in the act) The Director of Estate is only right behind this building, you better stop smoking or else he might fine you.
Me: But none of us are smoking!
Friend E: (annoyed already) We are all non-smokers here, and no one is even holding a cigarette now. How can you any-o-how accuse us of smoking when we are not doing that?
Guard: I'm just telling you that you'd better stop smoking within the grounds.
Friend E: Do we look like the kind who smokes?
Me: Why do you accuse us of smoking?
Guard: I saw it with my own eyes.
Me: (thinking) What the hell! Is he blind? (challenges him) DO you want to check all of our bags?
Guard: I'm just telling you that smoking is not allowed..
Friend E: (agitated) If you wanna check for smokers, go down the grassy patch, we don't smoke.
Me: The bus stop so many smokers you don't want to catch. We're doing our project now and you have to come and interrupt us.
Guard: (finally grasp the true meaning of our words) Sorry for disturbing you, please continue with your project. (and he walked down the grassy patch to stop a guy from smoking)
Is it so difficult to understand simple English?





An eyelash of mine got stuck to the whites of my eyeballs a few days ago. It's annoying but unknowingly it stayed in a little corner of my eye for a couple of days, without paying rent (it's infuriating.. like how mosquitoes bite me all the time without giving me any incentives). Boyfriend persuaded and tried to help me remove it. But it hurts. After much flailing of arms and numerous whinings, I got it out with my own ability. Bahhhhh. I just need a break from my essay and am practically writing nonsense in this abandoned space. I am filled with bitter frustration and stress like never before. School is taking my life years away. 酷い!!





Happy 2009! Having said that, it's definitely not gonna be a very happy and promising new year what with the global financial crisis and an entire year of projects and school. And unfortunately, my laptop has decided to make a fool out of me by restarting windows over and over again - just when school is commencing tomorrow. But anyhow, I had a really lovely 21st birthday last year!

5th December 2008 - West Coast Park
My parents, boyfriend and Jiafeng sprang on a surprise for bro and I at West Coast Park. Initially, we thought we were gonna go there and help carry some furniture for mama's kindergarten kids. Imagine the surprise and relieve on our faces when we realised that we were not about to become free labour for the night.
Lovely presents from boyfriend! Guess what lies in the huge red box and beneath the teddy bear wrapper?

99 roses and a limited edition ice blue nintendo ds lite! <3 I love the handmade macaroni card made by boyfriend as well. I love them all!

Exquisite Emporio Armani watch from bro and Jiafeng! I was jumping over the moon with joy that night.

6th December 2008 - Twin's 21st Birthday Party
Much to my dismay, the function room looked exactly like a wedding ballroom! How nice if chalets were available instead.. Anyway, I really appreciate those who take the effort to attend the party and of course for the presents as well!

Relatives from mom's side.

Relatives from dad's side.

Primary school friends.

Secondary school friends.

Band friends.

Singapore Polytechnic friends.

7th December 2008 - Sakura & West Coast Park (again)
We went to Sakura buffet for dinner and then to West Coast Park again for more sparklers! We were very enthusiastic over polaroid photos since Jiafeng bought a polaroid camera just for this occasion. It IS a vintage good so grab it while you can.

With this, year 2008 ended with a blast and I pretty much enjoyed my holidays. It's time to make preparations for an incoming horrible new year and I may probably update this space again when my next holidays are here. Tata~

I shouldn't have befriended her. She makes me feel like a fool all the time. She is not the normal someone whom you can rely on as a friend for she has taken away many precious memories, refusing to return them to its rightful owner. What exactly are friends for?